Today I was sitting in the park, quietly noshing on a burrito and reading a magazine when a skinny version of Milton from Office Space walks up and asks if I’ll play some chess with him.
I decline.
Milton asks if instead he can suck on my toes.
I decline.
Milton asks why sucking on toes freaks women out. After all, he’s doing the sucking.
I stare at him, and slowly tuck my flip-flop clad feet under the table.
Milton asks if he can hold my hand saying “I’m into those too”.
I decline again.
Milton sits quietly for a second and then sings in a high, screechy falsetto “Ok, fine. But just remember you’re looo-v-eeely” before walking off.
…This is my life these days.
